Crossroads

It is a struggle to believe with God we can overcome all things, but then also realize are own humanity is full of emotions and perceptions that zap our joy.

Sometimes we find ourselves at a crossroad between what we thought life would look like and there is a roadblock sign, and then another road that seemingly presents itself as nothing but thorns and thistles.  We choose the road with the thorns and thistles because right now it is the only path, we are able to walk through. We are not even sure what else resides in such a place, but to remain standing at the point of the crossroad and wondering what is beyond the roadblock will not do anything but continue to stir up emotions and the what ifs, we know we have to take the road that is open to us no matter how uninviting it might seem at the time.

I am in this season right now that in some parts of it I feel so blessed, I am walking in the calling that God had spoken over me almost 10 years ago. I lead a bible study class; I have a few people I mentor, and I know what it is to lead by example, and I have seen the future take root for me in regard to ministry…

 There are also some parts of this season that have also been hard…

I just turned 40 years old, and to be silly, I will say I had hoped Jesus would have come back before that happened, but to also be serious, I thought I would have somethings by now that I don’t, but even on top of that I am dealing with some health issues right now that prevent me from being me. I was doing everything 110%, I was working two jobs without issue, I was meeting with people a few times a week to just be present with them and speak into their life, I enjoyed doing life fully, and always knowing that I could be counted on…

It has always been a joy for me to help others, to listen to their stories, to help them rise from where they are, and to watch them shine from the places they never thought they could…

I have always loved helping at church, working right alongside with my friends and being there when I was needed…

I have always worked well under pressure at any job, and anytime I was called to ask if I could cover a shift, I was always up for the challenge…

At this time, while I am going through this health stuff, I am having a hard time just being present at church every Sunday depending how I am feeling…and it is HARD on me.

There was an awesome message today about Jabez, and I heard bits and pieces, but I could not focus, I just teared up between slides.

Everything I have been feeling and thinking, it came to the surface.

After church, I mad dashed home and grabbed the pup and changed and took my headphones and went to walk the park trail.

At first, it felt just like normal exercise was not really in the mood to deal, but as the songs changed, I started to pay attention to the nature around me.

Something I do remember from Pastors message today was that we “sing for joy,” and he mentioned a few of David’s “greatest hits,” or Psalms that were written.

I looked up at the trees, and I noticed how they had their own position of where they stood, the direction the branches were going, and whether they still had leaves…I imagined what the roots might look like underneath…I thought of Psalm 1…

I walked a little further and noticed to my right was a usual looking monarch, it was orange at the base and on the inside a true to form monarch.  It was by itself drinking the nectar of single stemmed small white flower planted there in the middle of the grass.

I walked about another few steps and noticed the colors coming from a single red berried branch…

I realized at that moment; God was speaking to me through what He had created.

The song that had come to my ears was, “Speak the Name,” by Koryn Hawthorne, and as I listened to it, I heard part of the scripture “Because He bends down to listen…”

Psalm 116:2

“Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath.”

God was sharing with me that He knows where I am, He knows what I am feeling, what I am thinking, and the fears that I have right now, He knows me so well, that He knew how to get my attention…

When I was driving home and I put the song “Speak the Name,” on again, I thought about Natalie Grant and how when she had cancer in her vocal chords and that once the cancer was removed she had a more powerful voice then she had in the past.

It comes down to this…

God made the trees…He knows that branches will break…He knows exactly the places they break.

Paul had what he called, “a thorn,” in his flesh, God knew what He was dealing with, and He knew how Paul would respond…

At the end of the day, God is not asking us to put on a game face and push through life, He is asking that we stop staying busy and face what we need to be facing…

And He will deal with it with us…

Face to face.

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Photo by Marcel Strauß on Unsplash


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